When I got the urgent phone call for career advice on how to handle getting fired, I could empathize and commiserate. It can happen to anyone.
In fact, I remember when it happened to me…
I had been actively recruited into a new company – a bigger role (my first management role) with a national scope and an even bigger paycheck. Yet it was Week 1, in digging into the details of my actual responsibilities and accountability and in meeting the men (yes, the whole department – actually the whole division – were all men and I was the first/only woman). That’s when I felt the first tickle of “What have I done!”
I had left a great tech-based job earning 6-figures (this was an enormous figure in 1987) in a prestigious well known world-wide company. I had been well recognized for being ‘very good at my job’. That is actually why the new company told me they hired me. They were not a well known player in my industry.
Something I didn’t realize in the interview discussions was that I was to have two bosses – each with his own agenda. I was to be accountable for results yet not directly responsible for the team who were to achieve said results. Now I was adrift in an all male team who had been working together for years and wanted nothing to do with me – a 27 year old woman in her first full management position. I was too naive to understand that I should have walked away quickly. Instead, I doubled down on work. Diet Pepsi and 2 Advil were my 7:30 a.m. breakfast at my desk. By 28, I was developing what we used to call a stress-ulcer. Within 18 months I was ‘invited’ into the big boss’s office and was “let go” – a euphemism for “you’re fired”.
“Murphy has a funny way of barging through your office door without knocking!”
Fiona
Knowing it isn’t working does not make it any easier when it actually happens. In fact, knowing how to handle getting fired isn’t taught.
It was a shock – tears wanted to flow (which would have been even worse for my professional image). At the same time I remember a weird sense of relief that the decision was made. I was miserable and wanted to commiserate with anyone and yet with no one. I was embarrassed and mortified that I had appeared to ruined my career.
Career Advice For How to Handle Getting Fired
If I could 30 years later, have myself as a coaching client here is what I would want her/you to know what to do when you are fired.
I would have to say right off the bat – be prepared for everything. Sure, it’s uncomfortable for both parties yet at least one party knows in advance. They are the ones doing the firing.
Here is some of my career advice on how to handle being let go or fired.
1. The ‘EXIT’ Meeting:
I always say that if you have to get fired, you’d want George Clooney’s movie character in “Up In The Air” to do it. He at least fired you face-to-face.
- If you know or suspect you’re being fired , get prepared. Grab and prepare your “take away” box in advance. Ideally take what you really need in advance so there is no need to worry about returning to your office/work space and fumbling about. It’s very emotional and awkward for everyone. You want a quick getaway. You want and will need simple.
- During any exit meeting, PLEASE say very little. You are going to be angry, defensive and/or very emotional. That is the human reaction. Just keep breathing. That is pretty much your only job during this meeting.
- Recognize you won’t get a lot of helpful information in this meeting. None of it will make sense to you anyways at this time. Try to get out very quickly (even to a washroom) to settle your nerves. Don’t attempt to argue your case – nothing will get settled this day.
2. Emotion is the Antithesis of Cool:
- Don’t lose your cool. It won’t help in the long run. The person in front of you might only be the messenger and even if they are not, most industries are still pretty tight-knit and professionalism will be your best good crutch. It isn’t worth it to burn bridges. Careers are long. Most professionals have been fired at some point in their career. In fact, your boss or the person letting you go might have been. It doesn’t really mean though that they are going to be better at it.
- You will likely have an opening “exit offer” presented. Don’t try to figure out if it is fair or not. You will find it difficult to focus and you will not hear much. There will be a date on the exit document. You will be in a fog during the meeting and there is time afterwards to deal with it before the due date.
- Don’t try to negotiate on the spot. They knew this was coming. They are prepared. You {probably} are not.
- Don’t sign or commit to anything. You don’t have to yet. Get legal advice soon after you have time to think and the initial shock has abated.
- Get your stuff – get out. If you can gracefully, when you leave the meeting, grab your stuff from your desk – if you can’t, they will arrange to pack it up and you can pick it up later – usually from HR. I personally never wanted to step foot on the company premises again.
3. After Being Fired – Your Home Life:
Do not underestimate how much this will affect you. It will sting (usually a gross understatement!) your ego, your sense of justice as well as your pocketbook. Take a deep breath (I poured myself a drink), tell your spouse and then figure out together how/when to tell your immediate family. Therefore you will have to say the words out loud – “I’ve been fired”. You will probably need to share the pain. It’s part of the grieving process – trust me, you will be in shock, anger, dismay, confusion, fear… It will be quite a roller-coaster for a while. How long depends on a number of factors. You will eventually be fine yet it won’t feel good. At all.
- Let the whole thing sink in. Don’t rush into any signatures or commitments. You will still be in a fog and you won’t make good decisions quickly. Take a couple of days, walk the dog, workout, get out of the house. Create a healthy routine to burn off excess negative energy.
- Get legal advice. This could certainly depend on your financial position yet getting legal advice after you’ve been fired, even if it is a free 30 minute consultation, is worth it. Employment lawyers are usually a necessary part of any package negotiations. Companies rarely give you their best offer without some pressure. Do ask for at least one additional concession (eg. longer benefit coverage, extra weeks paid, a course paid for, etc.). Ensure any expenses are submitted immediately and paid – they are not tied to any negotiations.
- Look for early closure and to move on with your career/life. At some point listen to your lawyer or your spouse; settle with your former employer, get paid and continue to work on getting closure. Be realistic with expectations if you are negotiating; don’t get greedy, don’t let it get personal. Get it done and finished, you will feel better and it will be one step closer to the next phase of your career. Mine took 2+ years because the lawyers got lazy/busy. Ridiculous!
4. Plan B- The Rest of Your Career:
It’s pretty natural to sink into a bit of a tailspin or funk when you are first out of work. Don’t emotionally “sunburn” your family or friends and definitely not potential new employers. However, you have to get the emotional issues battened down early because yes, someone is going to ask you why you are in the job market. Finger pointing, blame, anger or tears have no place in an interview.
- What’s next? If you have the luxury, it’s a good time to seriously think about what you want for the next 5-10 years of your work life. Use the break wisely. I took the summer off after I got an offer in a different field quite quickly. Still, I was upset enough that I didn’t know if I was jumping from the frying pan to the fire. I needed time. Then I said yes (and stayed for 11 years).
- If you are not in the right space emotionally, get help. Don’t wait until you are completely under water. Carefully use your social network and talk it out with friends, relatives or work allies who are going to help you move on not sink into depression or rage with you how unfair it all is. It’s a life changer. It will be a shot to your ego. It’s OK to admit it. You may blame yourself – you will blame the company yet blame is mostly a wasted emotion. Don’t wallow. It hurts you and your loved ones more than any company.
- How long should you wait to resume employment? This will depend on your financial position. Create a budget and a timeline. Being out of work too long is never good. Every month adds up. If you’re looking to return to your old industry, any industry actually, you need to be relevant and hire-able. People will have a lot more questions the longer you are out.
5. Get Help
- Get specific Career Transitioning support. I wish I had a career coach (aka someone like me) back then yet I did have my parents and some very smart older friends. Don’t lean only on one person – they have their own issues to deal with.
- Update your resume. Make it compelling. You will probably struggle the most with articulating the role you were just in. Keep it to your accomplishments (Reminder, a resume is not a job description!). Get professional help if you have any doubts as to the relevance or marketability of your resume/LinkedIn documents.
- Get out in the market quickly. Be proactive online. You should get external recruiters interested. Remember, they only get paid if they can place you somewhere -it is not personal if they don’t call you back. Company websites, job boards, LinkedIn – yes you have to do it all.
- Get the word out. Don’t ignore your “Circle of Influence”. Get in touch with all your friends, work colleagues, industry contacts and customers as well. Let the world know you are actively looking. It’s easy to be embarrassed with your situation yet don’t fall into that emotional trap. Most people understand and many have been in your situation although rarely would I suggest you be sharing with them any of the situational specifics. We are working 25-30+ years and gone are the days of company loyalty.
6. Start Practicing
- Get organized. Practice interviewing, ask for feedback, cut your hair, freshen up your wardrobe (for what is appropriate to your industry). First impressions matter. Basically it is like getting back in the dating world.
- Be prepared to hear a lot of No’s. No thank you, no first interview, no feedback, no second interview, no offer, no responses at all… Rejection sucks yet don’t take it personally! If it goes on past a couple of months – get professional help or a second professional opinion about your resume, profile, interview techniques and relevant background for what you are applying for.
7. Consider a Career Pivot
- Time for a change? You might be truly considering a complete sideways move or “career pivot” into something totally different. Therefore, you need to start to get organized. Think about getting some specific support to help you execute that transition. If you believe going back to school will be a wise move – check it out with industry experts.
- Consider a move to a smaller/bigger company. I did and it was also into a different industry. It was career pivot #2.. Being “let go” woke me up to realize that my old industry was dying and I needed to move to a growing industry to continue to make the money I was used to and to stay relevant (aka hireable). In general, if you have had a 20-30+ year career, big corporate companies are probably less likely to hire you versus a smaller company. A small or medium sized company might be looking for strong expertise at the right price and could value your senior experience. You might be able to become a ‘bigger fish in a smaller pond’. However, you might also need to be flexible on your compensation yet can trade it off for more remote work or flex time.
8. You Need to Factor in TIME
- It may take time. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. It is not unusual to be out 6-12 months after an exit. However, the one thing I don’t advise – don’t take the family to Europe for that long desired vacation and then expect to just jump back in. However you can take them for a shorter vacation AFTER you have signed up for your next job. You can negotiate into the job contract. Otherwise batten down some hatches and spend money wisely when you are in transition (well always actually).
- Create & maintain your Circle of Influence (CoI). Realize that you might not be in any job for as many years as you originally believed. Keep your Circle of Influence (aka network) strong – stay relevant and marketable.
“Be Nice to People on Your Way Up. You’ll Meet Them On Your Way Down”
W. Mizner
Some of the best careers have this kind of major ‘speed bump’. Mark Cuban, Oprah, Steve Jobs – the list is long. They were all at one time let go or fired from their job. Learn from it and get over it. It is your life – go create your best version.
Career management is even more important in some ways than 20 years ago.
We all need to stay relevant and highly marketable. You really should consider investing in yourself and creating “Brand You” – your personal brand. Devote some time, focus and energy each day (even 10 minutes can make a difference) to your career and it will reward you with more money, better promotions and probably less stress.
My clients sometimes ask me why I do what I do (focus on Career and Communications success coaching).
My WHY – Why Do I Career Coach:
I want to influence people to effect positive change and grow. I was let go in my twenties. It was painful yet it helped me grow. Plus in some weird and warped way, I feel blessed that it happened to me early in my career and in my twenties. I can’t imagine the angst that can occur if it happened in your fifties. You are never ready for it.
No one teaches us how to manage a career through it’s ups and downs. We often need help. Therefore that is why I still do what I do. I can’t do what you do in your job. Yet I can help you and other career professionals, to transform from being stuck in your careers… so you can get better jobs, more money and bigger bonuses.
If I can help you, CONNECT with me on LinkedIn or HERE at AskACareerExpert.com. I always have 20 minutes to connect with career professionals.
By the way – my career coaching client found another job. In fact, 2 job offers and in only 27 days!
(original published on LinkedIn)